my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
