ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
