Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
COCAINE IS GR8
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
