It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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