i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
