nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
