I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize