i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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