first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
