I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
