I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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