So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
