Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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