i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
