everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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