I want to have your abortion
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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