You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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