Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
