Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
