Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
