he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
