Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
