So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Boobs speak an international language.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
