Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize