are you still at the devil's house?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
ttyl tear gas
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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