Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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