lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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