can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
