We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
