you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She even gives head with a lisp.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
