Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
