I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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