spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
