I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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