i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
