I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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