so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
