aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
