then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Boobs speak an international language.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
