i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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