Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
