Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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