is your mom at the bar?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
