Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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