It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
