Someone shit on the floor
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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