So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize