What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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