$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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