I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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