We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
