I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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