Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
