Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
