weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
