hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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