its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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