life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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