Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
