JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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