She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize