I'm going to jail i love you
I look better un-naked...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
