just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
