I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
