someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
