Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
