So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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