I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
