I feel great
I just peed on a car
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
