the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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