fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
