It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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