my sisters under your porch take her home
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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