I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
