i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
