I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
