I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
