I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The best revenge is premature balding
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
