getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
