As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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