I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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