why didn't you poke me back
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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