I feel great
I just peed on a car
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
