he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
