Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
