I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
