After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
