Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
