Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
