you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
