Me. At least after what I've been through.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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