Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what day is it and did you see me today?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
