i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
