The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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