Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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